Month: September 2017

A Hater, Hating

 

I am, at times, “accused” of loving everything Nintendo does. That is untrue. I only love MOST of anything Nintendo does. If you follow Me & Nintendo with any regularity, you’ll start to realize there’s a few franchises that never get any love from me, largely because… well… I can’t stand them.

Of the five franchises I’m going to talk about here: one of them I’ve come around to, two of them I’m on the cusp of either hating or enjoying, and two I absolutely loathe. It just so happens that those last two franchises are among the biggest Nintendo has, which means that my dearth of writing on those topics is going to deprive me of a whole lot of potential readers.

Nobody ever accused me of being a marketing genius.

Animal Crossing

I never understood the appeal of this franchise. Running around with anthropomorphized animals, collecting bugs and going fishing and digging up fossils? What was the POINT? Then something very stressful happened in my life (okay, Trump was elected), and I realized that the point of Animal Crossing was that there WAS no point, and I dumped a bunch of hours into AC: New Leaf. I haven’t gone back to my town in quite some time, so it’s probably falling into disrepair and disarray, but I’m definitely in on whatever version of Animal Crossing eventually ends up on Switch.

Xenoblade Chronicles

I’ve never played a Xenoblade game, so I can’t rightfully say I hate Xenoblade games, nor would I. In fact, they look appealing and lush and beautiful, and I remain very, very interested in Xenoblade Chronicles 2 and the vast world of exploration it promises. Then I watch videos of the combat system, and I end up nursing a massive headache. I’m 38 years old. I don’t got time for that sort of hoo-ha anymore. (I’m still going to get in on that game at some point, even if not right at release. I anticipate headaches.)

Pikmin

Even as I begin to gravitate CLOSER to Xenoblade Chronicles, I begin to spin AWAY from Pikmin. As the life of the Wii U drew to a close, Pikmin 3 was the game I hadn’t played that I needed to play before selling off my system, and I did. And I’m glad I did. And also, I realized something. Here’s how you solve every problem and fight every enemy in a Pikmin game: you run around it in circles while throwing pikmin at it. Unless Pikmin 4: The New Batch features some crazy new gameplay mechanic to go along with its gorgeously rendered world of giant knick-knacks and fruit, I’m going to pass.

Fire Emblem

Or “Nintendo chess”, as I like to call it. I’ve tried to play Fire Emblem, I really have. I’ve dived into Fire Emblem for GBA via the Wii U Virtual Console, Fire Emblem Heroes for mobile, and most notably, Fire Emblem Awakening on the 3DS. Not one of those three games compelled me to keep coming back, not even after several hours of gameplay apiece. Strategy games like X-Com, or Codename S.T.E.A.M., or Mario + Rabbids… I love those games. I think it’s the in-the-heat-of-battle element of them. Fire Emblem feels detached by comparison, a game where I’m shoving little emblems (hey, now I get it!) around a grid, trying to remember the made-up weapons triangle and position anime waifu next to each other so they’ll fall in love and have magical warrior babies.

Honestly, it makes me want to smash my 3DS. How many hours do I have to put into a Fire Emblem game until it stops being banal and repetitive?

Pokemon

Or “Nintendo cock fighting”, as I like to call it. (Don’t google that.) I used to love JRPGs, actually, and like Fire Emblem, Pokemon is a franchise that I have tried to like. I inevitably find it to be a simplified rock/paper/scissors spin on the JRPG formula, a collect-a-thon as much as an actual game… but the real trouble, honestly, is when I listen to Pokemon fans begin to discuss Pokemon games in earnest. I can listen to talk of Koopa Troopas and Hyrule and Peppy Hare and Morph Balls and other such Nintendo nonsense for hours on end, but listening in on in-depth Pokemon conversation when you’re a series neophyte is a whole other form of hell, one to which I would not subject my worst enemy. The gameplay reward is too low and the bar of entry to fandom too high at this point for me to bother.

Although I’m pretty sure the Pokemon franchise won’t be hurting much without my spending cash propping it up.

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Making the Grade: 9/13/17 Nintendo Direct Edition

It seems as though E3 just happened, but the next major Nintendo Direct in the Switch era was broadcast two days ago. Lots of the big surprises coming out of this Direct actually involved 3rd party games (I’m looking in your direction, Doom and Wolfenstein); a lot of the coverage dedicated to Nintendo IPs was expanding on information we already knew, and as a lot of this direct focused on 2017 games I think it’s best to wait and pass judgement on what franchises may and may not appear in 2018 and beyond. Still, a few pieces of information came out about Nintendo IPs that could move the needle on our power rankings in one direction or the other, so let’s take a glance.

As always, I’ve highlighted the franchises that have switched tiers, with a (+) for those that have been upgraded, and a (-) for the downgrades. As always, feel free to disagree.

Tier A: Fire EmblemThe Legend of Zelda, Mario Kart,  Metroid, Pokemon,  Splatoon, Super MarioSuper Smash Bros.

No moves here into or out of Tier A. I write this on the day a new Metroid game debuts, while Super Mario Odyssey featured heavily in this direct and looks poised to actually give Breath of the Wild a run for its Game of the Year money. Pokemon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon were featured in the Direct, as well as Fire Emblem Warriors and the upcoming Zelda amiibo. No mention of Mario Kart or Smash; the former wasn’t anticipated and the latter, now matter how badly people are disappointed whenever it’s left out of a Direct, isn’t about to fall out of Tier A anytime soon.

Tier B: Animal CrossingDonkey KongKirbyMario & Luigi(+) Mario spin-offsPaper Mario, XenobladeYoshi, Pikmin

Our first bump of the Direct comes here with the Mario spin-off games moving up to Tier B. Mario Party: The Top 100 for the 3DS was announced, and it sounds like the best idea for a Mario Party they’ve had for a very long time: the top 100 games from all 10 console Mario Party games in one collection. Xenoblade Chronicles 2, featured in the Direct, looks amazing, but it’s too deep of an RPG (and too limited in its overall appeal) to crack Tier A, I think. The Mario & Luigi series also got a mention in the form of the upcoming remake/enhancement, Superstar Saga + Bowser’s Minions, and Kirby, in true Kirby fashion, has two games coming: Kirby Star Allies on the Switch, and Kirby Battle Royale on 3DS. The rest of Tier B did not appear, yet remain comfortably where they are.

Tier C: ARMS, Mii games, Pokemon spin-offs.

ARMS DLC got a brief mention in the Direct, but I’m overall not sure how I feel about this IP as a franchise moving forward. The conventional wisdom is, and I agree with this, that ARMS‘ early success (and it IS a very fun game) was undercut by Splatoon 2 coming out just weeks afterwards. I agree: I like ARMS, but I LOVE Splatoon, and I haven’t touched ARMS since Splatoon 2 and Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle came out. So ARMS remains in Tier C, for now. Let’s see if Spring Man ends up in Smash 5, or if another ARMS title hits 3DS or something. We’ll see.

Grade D: (-) BoxBoy!Kid Icarus,  Luigi’s Mansion(+) Punch-Out!!Wario brand games, Star Fox

Two movers here. After debuting on the last version of the list (because I forgot to add it earlier, #SheepishGrin) BoxBoy! immediately drops a tier. I take Hal Laboratories seriously when they say the BoxBoy! saga finished with the third game in the trilogy. Punch-Out!! gets a weird bump here; the original arcade version of Punch-Out!! made a cameo in the Direct, as an assumed part of the new Arcade Archives coming to Switch, and as perhaps the most intriguing title to be teased as included in that collection. Punch-Out!! is such a tricky brand to grade. An evergreen IP with only three home console games to its credit, the best of which was the original, released over 30 years ago and starring a real-life boxer as the game’s end boss in a license that no longer exists and an association Nintendo no longer wishes to make. (Mike Tyson, if you are unaware, has been in and out of jail on a rape/sexual assault conviction since he appeared in 8-bit form on the NES.) Punch-Out!!, though, is still a fairly beloved brand, and any mention of it in a Direct is sure to garner even a little bit of buzz.

Grade E: Advance Wars, F-ZeroMotherPushmo, Puzzle League, Rhythm HeavenRemix series, NintenDogs, Pilotwings 

Just as with Metroid at E3, if Mother or F-Zero or Advance Wars ever show up in a Direct, they’ll get an instant tier upgrade to C or B. This was not the Direct where that happened, though, so loyal fans of those franchises will keep waiting.

Grade F: Brain AgeCodename S.T.E.A.M.Chibi-RoboCustom RoboDillon’s Rolling WesternExciteGolden SunThe Legendary StarfySin & PunishmentStarTropicsWave Race.

Maybe next time, guys. But probably not.