Never Assume

“Now, Cookie, you know what happens when you assume.”

Cookie rolled her eyes. Her mom’s favorite saying. “Yeah, I know. You make an ass of you and me.”

“No,” began Race, “You… wait.” He thought about it. “Wow, that’s a whole lot better than what I was going to say. Can I use that?”

*

That is an excerpt from my book, The Unlikely Adventures of Race & Cookie McCloud: Vol. 1, available now on Amazon (plug, plug.) I’ve been rolling out that bad joke about assumptions for years, first in my initial 2009 Race McCloud play and then carried over into the novel. I think about that joke a lot when discussing Nintendo with others on the Internet. In real life, also, but mostly on the Internet.

You see, people on the Internet… and full disclosure, I’m not exempting myself from this… people on the Internet like to make assumptions. And if there’s one thing we have repeatedly learned about Nintendo over the years, it is this: assume nothing.

One of my other favorite phrases to roll out when discussing Nintendo is simply, “Nintendo gon’ Nintendo.” This and “assume nothing” are saying basically the same thing: Nintendo is going to do what they want, when they want, no matter what industry logic (or just plain old everyday logic) suggests they SHOULD do. Sometimes when Nintendo Nintendos it works out. Sometimes it does not. For a microcosm of this, look no further than, or course, Breath of the Wild, which takes many of the assumptions about what a 3D Zelda game must be (large dungeons, linear progression, hearts and rupees galore) and throws them away. Nintendo could have gotten away with making another awesome version of Ocarina of Time. They instead did something different for the sake of doing something different… and for the sake of making something better.

Over the years, some of the various assumptions I’ve heard regarding Nintendo have included:

  • “Nintendo will never go mobile.” – You can forgive this assumption; prior to Super Mario Run, Nintendo-published games have never appeared on a non-Nintendo platform.
  • “Nintendo’s going to produce a cheaper version of the Wii U without a GamePad.” – Lower-end versions of Nintendo hardware aren’t ubiquitous, but they’re not uncommon. Either way, the Wii U never got a compact makeover, and its price never came down.
  • “They’ve GOT to announce Metroid now, right?” – Everyone assumed this before every E3 until 2017’s, when everyone assumed it wasn’t going to happen and when it, of course, happened. Twice!
  • “Nintendo’s done with motion controls.” – They led the Switch reveal event with 1, 2, Switch and ARMS, two games that heavily feature motion controls.
  • “Look at Splatoon. A game like that HAS to have built-in voice chat.” – Splatoon did not have built-in voice chat.
  • “Sonic will never be in Smash.” – He’s been in two of them.
  • “The NX is going to have to be a AAA power box. They can’t afford another Wii U.” – The NX turned out to be the Switch, and instead of going high-power, Nintendo went high-concept form factor… which seems to be working.
  • “The Switch is going to replace the 3DS.” – Maybe. There’s 3DS games announced through 2018, though, and they’re about to release yet another new model in the 3DS “family” of systems: the New Nintendo 2DS XL.
  • “Nintendo is dead.” – Not just yet.

Two of the current assumptions making the rounds to which I respond with a big ol’ “don’t assume” are the following: first, that the Virtual Console is definitely coming to Switch. To specify: by “Virtual Console” I refer to the specific brand of digital product through which Nintendo sells emulated versions of their old games, a la carte, via their current-gen consoles. We already know that the Classic Games Selection, a select number of earlier Nintendo and Super Nintendo games that have been updated to include online play, will be available to anyone who is paying for Nintendo’s online service when that launches in early 2018. What Nintendo has not yet said, and seems to be actively avoiding saying, is that the Virtual Console will be available on the Switch. The assumption I’ve encountered is: “Of COURSE the Virtual Console will come. Nintendo wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to charge you again for Zelda II.” To which I reply, that logic isn’t unsound, but… never assume. I’ll believe Virtual Console is coming to the Switch when Nintendo announces Virtual Console is coming to the Switch, and not a second sooner.

The other assumption I’ve heard is in regards to Super Mario Maker and Smash for Wii U/3DS. “Both games are definitely coming to the Switch,” I’ve been told. I have a theory: Wii U games that are available on the 3DS, which is still an actively supported console, will not receive ports to the Switch. Oh, Switch will definitely have a Smash Bros. game. I just think that, if we were going to get Smash 4 Switch, we’d have heard about it already. Super Mario Maker, I think, might be viewed by Nintendo as a two-screen game, and I’d honestly agree with that assessment. Plus: how do you sequelize Super Mario Maker? You can’t add Super Mario 2 U.S. to it; that’s a completely different game from the rest of the Super Mario franchise, a game with completely different mechanics. Adding that to the Mario Maker creation suite isn’t as simple as flipping a skin. Also, the one advantage that a pressure-based touchscreen, such as the one on the Wii U, has over a capacitive touchscreen, such as the one on the Switch, is how more precise stylus work is when using the pressure screen. Frankly, I have no desire to build Super Mario levels with just my finger.

Let’s say, though, Nintendo finds an acceptable workaround for the lack of the Switch’s second screen, and finds an input method for a Switch-based Maker game that they’re comfortable with. In that case, given Nintendo’s usual aversion to doing the same thing twice, I still find it much more likely that instead of focusing on the “Super Mario” portion of the title they’d focus on the “Maker” portion of the title, leading to a whole slew of Maker-games: Metroid Maker, Zelda Maker, Ice Climber Maker… that sort of thing.

Think of it: wouldn’t that be cool? A Nintendo IP Maker franchise. Of course, all of this is nothing more than an assumption on my part, and…

… well. We all know what happens when we do that.

P.S. (All except for Race McCloud, I guess. Funny side note… I’ve always wondered just what it was he was about to say before Cookie corrected him. No, I don’t know; he’s never told me.

Yes, that IS how that works. No, I’m NOT crazy.)

 

 

 

 

(Not much, anyway.)

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