Never Assume

“Now, Cookie, you know what happens when you assume.”

Cookie rolled her eyes. Her mom’s favorite saying. “Yeah, I know. You make an ass of you and me.”

“No,” began Race, “You… wait.” He thought about it. “Wow, that’s a whole lot better than what I was going to say. Can I use that?”

*

That is an excerpt from my book, The Unlikely Adventures of Race & Cookie McCloud: Vol. 1, available now on Amazon (plug, plug.) I’ve been rolling out that bad joke about assumptions for years, first in my initial 2009 Race McCloud play and then carried over into the novel. I think about that joke a lot when discussing Nintendo with others on the Internet. In real life, also, but mostly on the Internet.

You see, people on the Internet… and full disclosure, I’m not exempting myself from this… people on the Internet like to make assumptions. And if there’s one thing we have repeatedly learned about Nintendo over the years, it is this: assume nothing.

One of my other favorite phrases to roll out when discussing Nintendo is simply, “Nintendo gon’ Nintendo.” This and “assume nothing” are saying basically the same thing: Nintendo is going to do what they want, when they want, no matter what industry logic (or just plain old everyday logic) suggests they SHOULD do. Sometimes when Nintendo Nintendos it works out. Sometimes it does not. For a microcosm of this, look no further than, or course, Breath of the Wild, which takes many of the assumptions about what a 3D Zelda game must be (large dungeons, linear progression, hearts and rupees galore) and throws them away. Nintendo could have gotten away with making another awesome version of Ocarina of Time. They instead did something different for the sake of doing something different… and for the sake of making something better.

Over the years, some of the various assumptions I’ve heard regarding Nintendo have included:

  • “Nintendo will never go mobile.” – You can forgive this assumption; prior to Super Mario Run, Nintendo-published games have never appeared on a non-Nintendo platform.
  • “Nintendo’s going to produce a cheaper version of the Wii U without a GamePad.” – Lower-end versions of Nintendo hardware aren’t ubiquitous, but they’re not uncommon. Either way, the Wii U never got a compact makeover, and its price never came down.
  • “They’ve GOT to announce Metroid now, right?” – Everyone assumed this before every E3 until 2017’s, when everyone assumed it wasn’t going to happen and when it, of course, happened. Twice!
  • “Nintendo’s done with motion controls.” – They led the Switch reveal event with 1, 2, Switch and ARMS, two games that heavily feature motion controls.
  • “Look at Splatoon. A game like that HAS to have built-in voice chat.” – Splatoon did not have built-in voice chat.
  • “Sonic will never be in Smash.” – He’s been in two of them.
  • “The NX is going to have to be a AAA power box. They can’t afford another Wii U.” – The NX turned out to be the Switch, and instead of going high-power, Nintendo went high-concept form factor… which seems to be working.
  • “The Switch is going to replace the 3DS.” – Maybe. There’s 3DS games announced through 2018, though, and they’re about to release yet another new model in the 3DS “family” of systems: the New Nintendo 2DS XL.
  • “Nintendo is dead.” – Not just yet.

Two of the current assumptions making the rounds to which I respond with a big ol’ “don’t assume” are the following: first, that the Virtual Console is definitely coming to Switch. To specify: by “Virtual Console” I refer to the specific brand of digital product through which Nintendo sells emulated versions of their old games, a la carte, via their current-gen consoles. We already know that the Classic Games Selection, a select number of earlier Nintendo and Super Nintendo games that have been updated to include online play, will be available to anyone who is paying for Nintendo’s online service when that launches in early 2018. What Nintendo has not yet said, and seems to be actively avoiding saying, is that the Virtual Console will be available on the Switch. The assumption I’ve encountered is: “Of COURSE the Virtual Console will come. Nintendo wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to charge you again for Zelda II.” To which I reply, that logic isn’t unsound, but… never assume. I’ll believe Virtual Console is coming to the Switch when Nintendo announces Virtual Console is coming to the Switch, and not a second sooner.

The other assumption I’ve heard is in regards to Super Mario Maker and Smash for Wii U/3DS. “Both games are definitely coming to the Switch,” I’ve been told. I have a theory: Wii U games that are available on the 3DS, which is still an actively supported console, will not receive ports to the Switch. Oh, Switch will definitely have a Smash Bros. game. I just think that, if we were going to get Smash 4 Switch, we’d have heard about it already. Super Mario Maker, I think, might be viewed by Nintendo as a two-screen game, and I’d honestly agree with that assessment. Plus: how do you sequelize Super Mario Maker? You can’t add Super Mario 2 U.S. to it; that’s a completely different game from the rest of the Super Mario franchise, a game with completely different mechanics. Adding that to the Mario Maker creation suite isn’t as simple as flipping a skin. Also, the one advantage that a pressure-based touchscreen, such as the one on the Wii U, has over a capacitive touchscreen, such as the one on the Switch, is how more precise stylus work is when using the pressure screen. Frankly, I have no desire to build Super Mario levels with just my finger.

Let’s say, though, Nintendo finds an acceptable workaround for the lack of the Switch’s second screen, and finds an input method for a Switch-based Maker game that they’re comfortable with. In that case, given Nintendo’s usual aversion to doing the same thing twice, I still find it much more likely that instead of focusing on the “Super Mario” portion of the title they’d focus on the “Maker” portion of the title, leading to a whole slew of Maker-games: Metroid Maker, Zelda Maker, Ice Climber Maker… that sort of thing.

Think of it: wouldn’t that be cool? A Nintendo IP Maker franchise. Of course, all of this is nothing more than an assumption on my part, and…

… well. We all know what happens when we do that.

P.S. (All except for Race McCloud, I guess. Funny side note… I’ve always wondered just what it was he was about to say before Cookie corrected him. No, I don’t know; he’s never told me.

Yes, that IS how that works. No, I’m NOT crazy.)

 

 

 

 

(Not much, anyway.)

EDIT: The 3D Zelda Games: A Definitive Ranking

A few months back I wrote a post giving the absolute complete and definitive ranking of the 3D games in the Legend of Zelda franchise… unless you disagree with me, in which case, you know, it’s just games. Like what you like. I graded the games out of eight categories: Presentation, Combat, Pacing, Narrative, Overworld, Dungeons, Dungeon Masters, Side Quests, and Final Battle; top marks in a category resulted in a grade of (+5) and bottom marks a grade of (+1).

One problem: I did the list pre-Breath of the Wild. So the breakdown back then looked like this:

Which give us a ranking of:

So now let’s factor Breath of the Wild into the rankings and see what happens, shall we? Here we go: 3D Zelda rankings, the abridged edition.

Presentation: Breath of the Wild is gorgeous, lush and green, and subject to whorls of changing weather and neon pseudo-tech. The cel-shaded cartoon presentation of The Wind Waker HD is distinct, clean, bright, and consistent. The impressionist water colors of Skyward Sword will enter this conversation if that game gets its own HD facelift. Until then, though, in a showdown between two gorgeous HD games: the textures in Breath of the Wild sometimes flatten out up close and there are notable frame rate drops in heavily wooded areas, whereas The Wind Waker HD‘s presentation is almost a hundred percent seamless. The Wind Waker for the win. Breath of the Wild: (+5).

Combat: The combat is the one grade on the scale that has trended upwards throughout the entire series, and Breath of the Wild doesn’t break that streak. I’ve talked before about the brilliance of BotW‘s combat systems: wide open macro-fights with flanking enemies, getting your butt handed to you by Lynels and Guardians, fluid on-horse combat… here, the (+6) goes to Breath of the Wild.

Pacing: This is a no-brainer, because Breath of the Wild allows you to choose your own pace, and there’s no better pacing than the speed you can set yourself. You can face Ganon within the first hour of gameplay, or you can dump 200 hours into Hyrule before charging into the castle. Breath of the Wild, (+6).

Narrative: Breath of the Wild tells a great story of a 100 year-old calamity, both through the terrain and architecture of Hyrule and in cinematic cut scenes. But it’s still a story told largely in flashbacks, a narrative no-no. Again: you can defeat Ganon within the game’s first hour. Ultimately, the story of Breath of the Wild, though compelling, is arguably inconsequential. Compared to the rich origin story of Skyward Sword and the template Zelda tale laid out by Ocarina of Time, Breath of the Wild gets (+4).

Overworld: C’mon. (+6) for Breath of the Wild.

Dungeons: This is where things get interesting. Breath of the Wild features, in place of traditional Zelda dungeons, four Divine Beasts, constructions Link must venture into and take control of. I appreciate what the Zelda team was trying here, and the Beasts each present a short external battle as Link works with a partner to gain entrance, followed by an internal series of puzzles for Link to solve as he attempts to gain access to the Beast’s control panel. Still, the Beasts are smaller spaces than traditional Zelda dungeons, they’re built almost exclusively around Link’s array of physics-based Sheikah Slate abilities, and are largely combat-free. Simply put, they just aren’t dungeons. Not even the final journey into the massive Hyrule Castle can keep Breath of the Wild from taking the (+1) here.

Dungeon Masters: The Zelda series features some of the most memorable level boss battles in gaming history, but Breath of the Wild‘s four Divine Beasts are each effectively “possessed” by neon-colored portions of Calamity Ganon’s essence. These aren’t bad battles, per se, but they are pretty forgettable. Not one of them would break into my list of top ten 3D Zelda boss battles. Breath of the Wild, (+1).

Side Quests: Majora’s Mask still contains the creme de la creme of Zelda side quests; helping the citizens of Termina fight aliens and fall in love is easily the best part of that game. Breath of the Wild‘s series of citizen-based side quests are basic, and on their own wouldn’t score high marks. However, when you factor into the equation the amazing collection of Shrines to conquer, the diverse sets of armor to find and upgrade, all of the flora and fauna to chronicle in your Pokedex… er, Hyrule Compendium, and 900 Korok seeds to find…. Breath of the Wild, (+5).

Final Boss: The battle against Calamity Ganon is amazingly cinematic and beautiful. It is not, however, terribly difficult, especially if you’ve put 200+ hours into the game and approach Ganon with a full rucksack of five-star meals. The final conflict also suffers from the absence of Ganondorf. In the lore of BotW Ganondorf has forsaken his humanity and is now and for always in his demon form of Ganon… which is cool and all, but it means he’s not terribly talkative. Overall, the final battles of Twilight Princess, The Wind Waker, and Ocarina of Time offer higher drama and greater challenge. Calamity Ganon earns a (+3).

So now that we’ve added Breath of the Wild to the discussion, we get a breakdown of this:

And the final ranking shakes out like this:

  1. Breath of the Wild: +37
  2. The Wind Waker: +36
  3. Twilight Princess: +33
  4. Ocarina of Time; Skyward Sword: +30
  5. Majora’s Mask: +23

Breath of the Wild ends up on top of the list, and the rest of the games remain in the order they were in with the sole exception of Ocarina of Time and Skyward Sword now being tied at 4th.

All-in-all, this was pretty anti-climactic.

Making the Grade: E3 2017 Edition

This is the third installation of my “Making the Grade” series, a temperature-check all of Nintendo’s major franchises and where they stand in the overall scheme of existence. The idea was always that I’d go back and update this list whenever there was some sort of major shift or big event… and as E3 2017 has just wrapped up, that certainly qualifies.

A couple of things have moved around the list as a result of Nintendo’s E3 showing… with one big mover you can probably already predict. As I did last time, I’ve highlighted the franchises that have switched tiers, with a (+) for those that have been upgraded, and a (-) for the downgrades. As always, feel free to disagree.

Grade A: Fire EmblemThe Legend of Zelda, Mario Kart, (+) Metroid, Pokemon,  Splatoon, Super MarioSuper Smash Bros.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages… she’s back. Samus Aran, first lady of gaming, returned to the spotlight this E3 in a big way. The logo-reveal for Metroid Prime 4 alone would have bumped Samus and her franchise up to grade “B”, but then, almost as an afterthought, Nintendo revealed a remastered version of Metroid II entitled Metroid: Samus Returns, coming this September for the 3DS. Samus and Metroid have retaken their rightful place amongst Nintendo’s elite franchises. No other movers into or out of the “A” grade, but some notes: if Super Mario and Pokemon could get higher than “A”, I’d put them there, and though there was still no mention of Smash Bros. for Switch, that’s a franchise that’s not going anywhere.

Grade B: Animal CrossingDonkey KongKirbyMario & LuigiPaper Mario, XenobladeYoshi, (+) Pikmin

I can’t recall if Hey, Pikmin! was announced pre or post Switch event, but as I look at the list today and note that in addition to Hey, Pikmin! Shigeru Miyamoto offhandedly mentioned that Pikmin 4 is in the works for Switch, the Pikmin bump to grade “B” seems appropriate. Reliable standbys Kirby and Yoshi both received new game announcements at E3, as did the 3DS Mario & Luigi series, which will get a remake/spin-off hybrid in Superstar Saga & Bowser’s Minions. Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is still (Nintendo claims) going to make a Holiday 2017 debut, and Donkey Kong showed up in spirit in both the bizarrely fascinating Mario + Rabbids game being developed by Ubisoft and in Super Mario Odyssey as the namesake for the urban playground New Donk City.

Grade C: (+) ARMS(+) BoxBoy!(+) Mario spin-offs, Mii games, Pokemon spin-offs.

First off, I’m an idiot. I’ve never included BoxBoy! on this list. Developed by HAL Labs, the little Box-fellow even has his own amiibo. Granted, the BoxBoy! trilogy just ended, but since when did that stop Nintendo from milking a profitable franchise? Moving on: while Super Mario, Mario & Luigi, and Paper Mario are uniquely deep franchises of their own, the multitude of other Mario branded games Nintendo releases are harder to classify. I have, for the time being, combined Mario Party, Mario Sports (including Mario & Sonic at the Olympics), Mario v. Donkey Kong/Mini Mario, and Dr. Mario. For now, the newly minted (and buzzed about) Mario + Rabbids helps bump the Mario spin-offs up a tier. Pokken Tournament DX is ALMOST enough to push Pokemon spin-offs up to grade “B”, but the weight of all of those Mystery Dungeons still drags it down. I’m cheating a little with ARMS; one game does not a franchise make, but this one game is being received well enough to suggest ARMS is on its way to becoming a brand. Finally, I’ve re-branded Tomadachi Life and its ilk as Mii games; Mii’s themselves are in short supply these days, as Nintendo seems determined to move away from the Wii era. Still, Miitopia was recently revealed to be making its way west, so there’s still some life (and a lot of brand recognition) left in Nintendo’s cartoon avatars.

Grade D: Luigi’s MansionKid IcarusWario brand games, (+) Star Fox

Time heals all wounds. There’s been no game announced for Fox McCloud and crew, but to be fair, Star Fox is a franchise with a really solid cast of characters and enough of a fanbase to let it recover from the horribly received Star Fox Zero. Don’t expect Team Arwing to climb any higher than tier “D” without a new game, though. It’s that sort of name recognition that draws the line of demarcation between tiers “D” and “E”; the franchises in “D” haven’t received any more love than those in “E”, necessarily, but they star beloved characters that aren’t soon going to be forgotten.

Grade E: Advance Wars, (-) F-ZeroMother, (-) Punch-Out!!, (-) Pushmo, (-) Puzzle League, (-) Rhythm HeavenRemix series, NintenDogs, Pilotwings

I was bullish on F-Zero making an appearance at E3. I was wrong, and I’ve had to knock it down a tier as a result. Additionally, Puzzle League and Rhythm Heaven are on the fast train to nowhere; another six months to a year without a whisper and they’re both due to bottom out in tier “F”. Though a reliable space filler for awhile, it’s been 2 years, and if there’s never another Pushmo game will anybody even notice? Mother remains in grade “E” on the strength of its cult following alone; as a franchise that seems largely dead it should probably drop out to tier “F”. Most notably, Punch-Out!! receives a huge body blow in the growing popularity of ARMS, which could end up as a franchise replacement for the Punch-Out!! brand. If we see a new Punch-Out!! soon, expect it to be on 3DS, and as something other than the behind-the-boxer POV game we’re used to. That’s another hunch.

Grade F: Brain AgeCodename S.T.E.A.M.Chibi-RoboCustom RoboDillon’s Rolling WesternExciteGolden SunThe Legendary StarfySin & PunishmentStarTropicsWave Race.

You could argue that I shouldn’t even bother publishing grade “F”. These franchises are the definition of dead in the water. Pun intended, Wave Race.

 

 

(Featured Image Source: http://shubwubtub.deviantart.com/art/Minimalist-Metroid-Screwattack-Wallpaper-542023002)

Actively Retro

It’s been semi-scandalous ’round some parts that Nintendo has yet to reveal or talk about the future of its Virtual Console service for the Switch. Virtual Console, as anyone reading this blog probably knows, is the fancy brand name Nintendo came up with ten years ago for the downloadable emulated versions of classic games from their vast library, spanning 30+ years. Every Nintendo console aside from the Virtual Boy, the GameCube, the Wii U, and the 3DS has been represented in some form on the Virtual Console, which over time grew to include games from the early SEGA consoles and the NEC TurboGrafx 16. Virtual Console was a huge selling point in the history of the Wii, and slightly less of a selling point on the 3DS, and petered out on the Wii U by the end.. though, frankly, what didn’t?

The general assumption is that Virtual Console is going to eventually show up on the Switch, and that may be the case… but it may not. Nintendo just recently announced more details about their online service, launching in 2018, and as part of that service select Nintendo classics will be made available to subscribers, all with added online functionality. These “Classic” games are not technically part of Virtual Console; VC has always been straight emulations of game code, with some very few exceptions (the Virtual Console version of Duck Hunt, for example, needed to be reworked; the game as programmed worked only on old CRT televisions.)

The longer we go without hearing about the Virtual Console, the more dubious I am that it’s ever going to show up. I don’t believe Nintendo will every stop trying to make money off of its enormous library of past hits, but I wonder if they feel they’ve carried the a’la carte method of charging $5 for Super Mario Bros. 2, again, as far as it can go.

Irregardless of what happens with the VC, one of the fascinating early trends of the Switch is just how anachronistic this brand new style of gaming platform is. In a time where gaming is a global, online experience, and companies like SONY are running towards isolated VR experiences, Nintendo’s Switch doubles-down on the one thing nobody else offers: console-quality local multiplayer on-the-go. Nintendo is betting that people still like playing games together on the same screen in the same room, and so far that bet appears to be paying off. It’s a new-idea system offering a throwback experience, and it works.

An inadvertent (or maybe conscious) side effect of this is that the Switch lends itself to a throwback experience, and the indie developers who are fleshing out the early days of the Switch library between major Nintendo releases have cooked up some decidedly throwback pieces of software to go with it. The result: even with the Virtual Console nowhere to be found, the Switch feels like a paean to the golden era of gaming.

Consider some of the early Switch titles: right on launch day, if you managed to look past Breath of the Wild for a few minutes, you’d see Fast RMX, an ode to F-Zero if every there’d been one, I Am Setsuna, a Secret of Mana-esque RPG from Square/Enix’s Tokyo RPG Factory, the Shovel Knight trilogy of games AKA the best NES games never made, and Bomberman, of all things. The old-skool hits went right on rolling thanks to Hamster Corporation, who have been drip-feeding us ports of classic Neo-Geo games since week 2 of Switch’s lifespan; Metal Slug and King of Fighters are just two of the all-time greats that have found new life on Switch.

Further on we saw the release of Graceful Explosion Machine, which plays a lot like an R-Type/Stinger homage, a Wonder Boy Master System remake, freaking Tetris, the NBA Jam/NBA Street reminiscent NBA Playgrounds, and, of course, Street Fighter 2. Mix in with that all-time classic franchises Mario Kart and Minecraft, and then glance down the road and see a new 16-bit style Sonic game, a cover version of 2D Castlevania games going by the name of Bloodstained, the Nintendo-hard 8-bit-ish platform 1,001 Spikes, and the critically acclaimed love song to Metroid, Axiom Verge.

The list grows, and will continue to grow. Retro gaming is not a new trend, of course, and the Switch is far from the only place where you can get your retro fix. There is a perfect storm going on with the Switch, though: a brand-new console pushed out the door arguably two or three quarters too soon (Wii U was dead and Nintendo wasn’t about to put Breath of the Wild on a kaput system) from a company still trying to rebuild trust with AAA 3rd party developers has led to Nintendo adopting a strategy of finding quality indie developers who came of age on the NES and SNES and are making cheaper games reminiscent of the ones they loved when they started gaming.

E3 is next week. Front and center will be Nintendo’s own retro showcase, the Mario 64-inspired Super Mario Odyssey. It remains to be seen, however, if the Virtual Console will finally make its Switch debut on the E3 stage. Even if it doesn’t, and you find yourself hankering for a retro gaming fix? Don’t worry; the Switch has got you covered.

It would also be nice to hear what Retro is up to.

Something About Mario

For a blog that’s entirely about Nintendo, I’ve written shockingly few things about Mario.

I’ve written posts exclusively on Metroid, Splatoon, Smash Bros., about a million about The Legend of Zelda… but I’ve not yet written a post that’s exclusively about Nintendo’s flagship franchise, or its universe of characters and spin-offs, and I’m not entirely sure why.

I like Mario games fine, and the original Super Mario Bros. was the siren song that taunted me from afar before I could finally call the NES my own. I’ve written in this space more than once about how Super Mario Bros. 2 (U.S.) is probably my favorite game in the franchise, not to mention one of my favorite NES games of all-time. Things get a little bit cloudier after that. Super Mario Bros. 3 is an all-time great game, but I don’t have the same fond memories of it that I have of SMB 2… and honestly, I think SMB 2 might be a better-looking game; it certainly has a more consistent color palette. Same with Super Mario World and Mario 64: great games, but they both take a backseat in my memory to contemporaries of their respective eras. A Link to the Past, Super Metroid, Mega Man X, Super Mario Kart, and Final Fantasy 3 (yes, I’m using the SNES numbering) were my most-beloved games of the Super Nintendo era, and Ocarina of Time was my one true love on the Nintendo 64. Sure, I GOT all of the stars in Mario 64, but it felt more like a grind and less like an adventure.

It’s hard to keep up with all of Mario’s adventures. I’ve never even played Super Mario Sunshine, I didn’t touch New Super Mario Bros. until I got a 3DS (for A Link Between Worlds, of course), and the series’ Super Mario Land installments on the Game Boy are forgettable (and eventually started starring Wario, Mario Land 2‘s antagonist). There’s Mario Party, Mario and Luigi, Paper Mario, Mario Galaxy, Mario 3D… and coming soon, Super Mario Odyssey, a spiritual successor to Super Mario 64 as much as it seems to be anything else.

In the interest of giving Nintendo’s mascot some face time, here’s a rundown of some of my favorite games starring the mustachioed plumber. Be mindful: this is by no means a comprehensive list. I’ve played the snot out of the Legend of Zelda and Metroid series, but my history with Mario is a little more hit-and-miss. Here’s some of the hits, in absolutely no particular order:

  • Super Mario Bros. 2 (U.S.)Doki Doki Panic. That’s the name SMB2 had in Japan. It was a licensed game based on a game show or cartoon or something. I don’t know; I don’t feel like looking it up right now. I also preferred playing as Luigi over Mario. This might have been a bad place to start this list. I really liked throwing vegetables into the giant dream-frog’s mouth.
  • Super Mario Bros. – It was unlike anything I’d ever seen on a home video game console, and it was an absolute industry changer. This is the last time the Mario game on any Nintendo console would be a better game than the Zelda game on the same console; that’s right, I’m going to call Super Mario Bros. a better game than either Zelda 1 or Zelda 2. Ditto in regards to the previous entry.
  • Donkey Kong. Jr. – I know Mario was the bad guy. But there was something addictive about scurrying up and down vines to rescue the big ape from the evil Jumpman’s clutches. He might have graduated to the Mario moniker by then…
  • Donkey Kong ’94 – The Game Boy sequel to Donkey Kong is easily one of the top 2 or 3 games on that system. This is where Mario first learned techniques that would carry him through the later years of his mainline franchise games: head stands, back flips, triple jumps, etc.
  • New Super Mario Bros. 2 – The New Super Mario series gets a bad rap for being generic, but I really dig it. It polished up and standardized traditional Super Mario gameplay, and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. NSMB2 is one of the ones that’s really frowned upon, but the return of the raccoon leaf and the emphasis on coin rushing won me over. Also: that golden fire flower is the best power-up in any Mario game ever. Full stop.
  • Super Mario Kart – The first wasn’t the best, but it was my favorite. Mario Kart 8 is clearly the best. Still: look at that Mode 7!
  • Super Mario 3D World – Bright, colorful, inventive, and featuring the playable cast of Super Mario Bros. 2 in a 2.5D game world based on traditional Super Mario mechanics. For awhile there I professed that this was the BEST of the 3D Mario games, but it isn’t. That honor goes to…
  • Super Mario Galaxy – Yeah, this game is mind-bendingly fantastic. Three-hundred and sixty degree platforming through space that, somehow, isn’t hard to control. Proof that the Wii wasn’t ENTIRELY a repository of mini-games and shovelware. (See also: Mario Galaxy 2, Skyward Sword, Xenoblade Chronicles.)
  • Paper Mario – I dismissed this franchise until weeks before I got rid of my Wii U. I didn’t get to finish this N64 titles before trading Wii U away for Switch, but now I’ve got my fingers crossed for an HD re-release of The Thousand Year Door.
  • Super Mario Run – Legit might be my favorite 2D Mario game. Parkour Mario FTW!
  • Luigi’s Mansion 2: Dark Moon – Well, Mario’s in the END of the game.

Now here’s a few Super Mario games I DON’T really care for!

  • Super Mario ’64 – Revolutionary. Overrated. Almost unplayable in 2017.
  • Super Mario Land 2 – Slow and boring. No feather in Mario’s cap. (That’s a pun because Mario wears a feather in his cap when he gets a fire flower because you couldn’t see him change colors on the Game Boy screen. Also: rabbit ears.)
  • Super Mario Land – Well, it gets points for weirdness. In the Mario franchise, that’s saying something.
  • Super Mario 3D Land – Its level design almost requires you to turn up the 3D slider on the 3DS, a feature that Nintendo started running away from a year after the 3DS first launched.
  • Super Mario Sunshine – I’ve never actually played this for more than 10 minutes, so I really should have left it off this list.
  • Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island – That crying… it still wakes me up at night sometimes, drenched in a cold sweat.
  • Mario Kart: Super Circuit – The one major misfire in the stellar Mario Kart brand.
  • Super Mario Maker – It’s great. It really is. It’s easily the best game creation suite ever released for any platform. But it needs a better sharing system, a better method through which to find levels others have uploaded, and creators need to be given the ability to make their own full worlds. For me, playing individual levels got old, fast.

E3 2017 is just days away, and the one thing we know for sure is that Mario’s going to be front and center. This year is the coming-out party for his big holiday release, Super Mario Odyssey, just as last year’s E3 was all about Link, Zelda, and Breath of the Wild. SMO might not be the same seismic revolution Breath of the Wild was (it would be almost impossible) but here’s hoping it’s a hit, and not a miss.

I’m pretty confident… but then again, I was once pretty confident that I really liked Super Mario Land 2, and I ended up being pretty wrong about that.

You Down With DLC?

“I wish Nintendo would just MODERNIZE already!” This has been a common lament amongst gamers since perhaps the GameCube or even N64 era, and usually when uttered, it is meant to suggest that Nintendo should build more powerful consoles, or court more “Triple A” third-party software makers, or play to a more “mature” audience of gamer, or build a more robust online experience, etc., etc.

Well, in recent years, Nintendo has certainly begun to modernize… although not, perhaps, in the ways their detractors have been asking for. There are two trends that define the “modernization” of gaming in the 21st century, and to the surprise of absolutely nobody, in this case “modernization” is equatable to “monetization.” After all, for-profit companies most often evolve when there is obvious money to be made.

The two trends are closely related; both involve paying more money to add extra content to a game you already own. Micro-transactions define the mobile gaming market, and as Nintendo learned recently, micro-transactions are the sort of model that market demands. Super Mario Run, priced at a single-pay premium price tag of $9.99, has not made anywhere near the same amount of profit for the company as Fire Emblem Warriors, a free-to-play game that features micro-transactions, and this is in spite of Super Mario Run being the more popular download, ten times over.

The other trend, more associated with the console and PC gaming markets, is downloadable content, or DLC. DLC refers to additional content that is made available for popular (or unpopular) full-priced games… although unlike micro-transactions, which often charge small amounts for items necessary for gameplay, DLC is sold as “extra” material: it costs more than the standard micro-transaction, but is a luxury item that isn’t “required” to enjoy what was intended to be the full game.

That’s the theory, anyway.

Game companies are often criticized for including amongst DLC the sort of content that, ten or fifteen years ago, would have been released as part of the game proper. A good recent example is Star Wars: Battlefront, an online multi-player Star Wars-themed arena shooter that, while widely well-reviewed, hid half of its content behind DLC paywalls that cost almost as much as the primary game did on its own. Gamers are a prickly sort, but one can hardly fault them for being annoyed when they drop $60 on a game only to find that what they’ve purchased is arguably half a product.

Still, when done right (i.e. as bonus content to expand and extend an all-in-the-box experience) DLC can be remarkably satisfying. The Wii U/3DS generation marked the first time Nintendo really dove head-first into the world of DLC, and results have ranged from incredibly well-executed to… not as well-executed. Let’s take a look:

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild – We’ll start here, because where else is there to start? BotW‘s $20 season pass is coming in three individual portions: a Purchase Bonus, and Packs 1 and 2. The Purchase Bonus, already released, causes three treasure chests to appear on the Great Plateau, one of which includes a red Nintendo Switch t-shirt for Link to wear. Pack 1, recently detailed, includes more than had initially been anticipated: two full sets of armor, two helmets, a mask to help locate the game’s 900 Korok Seeds, a map tracking add-on that allows the player to chart where they have been in Hyrule over 100 hours of gameplay, a new “Cave of Trials” style challenge, a new Hard Mode, and a Travel Medallion with which warp points can be laid down anywhere in Hyrule. Pack 2, details forthcoming, is the big one: it will include an entirely new dungeon, new story content, and “more”. But…

Is it worth it? Definitely. Seeing as how Breath of the Wild contains an easy 200 hours of gameplay out of the box, and for $20 you’ll get a new dungeon, more story, more challenge modes, and armor based on Tingle (TINGLE!)… this DLC is something most anyone who’s played Breath of the Wild will happily pay for.

Mario Kart 8Mario Kart 8 launched on Wii U with 30 playable characters, 8 full race circuits of 4 tracks apiece, online play, a (poorly received) battle mode, and a plethora of kart parts. Already, that’s as full an experience as the Mario Kart franchise has ever offered. The DLC for the game, available in two packs at $8 apiece (both packs can be purchased in a single season pass for $12) adds a total of 4 new cups (including tracks based on Animal Crossing, The Legend of Zelda, Excitebike, and F-Zero), 6 new racers, 8 new karts, and different color skins for Yoshi and Shy Guy. Again, though…

Is it worth it? Well, it was. At first glance, $16 – $12 for add-on content seems a little pricey, but the amount of content added on more than justified the price tag for most players. However, the release of the Nintendo Switch has seen a new version of the game, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, hit shelves, and this Deluxe game includes all of the previous DLC rolled into the point-of-sale purchase price. If you laid money down for the MK8 Wii U DLC fairly recently, you may feel a little taken at this point. Still, judged on its own merits, MK8 provides a perfect how-to guide for any software company looking to add DLC content to their own games.

Super Smash Bros. for Wii U & 3DS Smash Bros. launched with fifty-one characters in-the-box, a crap-ton of stages (official measurement), multiple modes, full-roster amiibo support, two online modes, and a partridge in a pear tree. The DLC that followed was certainly adding on to a full and robust experience… but the pricing was a bit more suspect than that for, say, MK8. First of all, the Smash Bros. DLC releases are haphazardly structured, with no consistent pricing models, separate prices for Wii U, 3DS, and Wii U + 3DS packs, and a bunch of content that nobody really wanted, i.e. Mii Fighter Costumes. Overall, seven new fighters were released as Smash 4 DLC, three of which were repackaged from old entries in the series and 4 of which were completely new entrants into the Smash franchise. Of the seven, Cloud Strife, Bayonetta, and Ryu were clearly the must-buys, and each came packaged with a brand new stage. Five standalone stages were also made available, but of the five only one, based on Super Mario Maker, was original and the rest were retro (and one of those retro stages wasn’t available for the 3DS version of the game.) All of these characters and stages and costumes were released at random times, and the pricing was all over the place. For the sake of analysis, let’s look at the last two bundles released: the all-character bundle, priced at $35, and the all-stages bundle, priced at $11 on Wii U and $8.50 on 3DS (the 3DS bundle, remember, contains one fewer stage.)

Is it worth it? For the full set? Probably not. Cloud, Bayonetta, and Ryu, which admittedly are three badass additions to the franchise, are available individually for one console for a total of $18 and for both consoles at a total of $21, but I’m not sure the rest of the content is worth an extra $25 or so. Smash Bros. 4 is overloaded with stuff to begin with; paying almost the price of another whole game on Wii U and more than the price of a whole game on 3DS is pretty steep for a handful of new -ish characters and a couple of new stages.

Hyrule Warriors – This Legend of Zelda/Dynasty Warriors mash-up game was far more successful than it had any business being, honestly, but as I’ve often cited: it was my second favorite Wii U game, after Splatoon. The in-box release already has a ton of content, and the DLC packs add a bunch more… but similar to Smash Bros., the pricing and packaging can get confusing, particularly once you factor in what is and what isn’t available from Hyrule Warriors Legends, the 3DS port/spin-off version of the game. Of the initial three packs, each priced at $7.99, the Master Quest Pack might be the best value, as it includes five additional expansion chapters to the main story and unlocks Epona as a weapon for Link. The other two packs include combinations of new characters (Tingle, Young Link, and Midna) and new Adventure Maps, the grid-by-grid task-based mode of the game that you either love to grind or give up on early. There’s also a $2.99 Boss Challenge mode that provides costumes and a boss rush challenge, and (best of all) a “Play as Ganon” mode. Not Ganondorf. Ganon. Huge pig-monster Ganon. Later packs released allow players to purchase the added Hyrule Warriors Legends characters (Toon Link, Linkle, etc.) but not any of the added map content from that 3DS game… which has its OWN DLC, packaged and structured very similarly to the packages from the Wii U version.

Is it worth it? It depends. Character and costume skins for a button masher like Hyrule Warriors only go so far; the game is a blast, but to be fair, there isn’t a huge amount of difference in how each character plays. Personally, I bought all three of the initial packs but never did pull the trigger on the $12.99 package with all the Legends characters. What the packs really offered, content-wise, were the new Adventure Maps. If you dig Adventure Mode, then the packs are definitely worth the price. If you didn’t (I didn’t), selectivity is called for.

Fire Emblem Fates: Birthright/Conquest Fire Emblem, more than any other franchise, seems to be Nintendo’s go-to for DLC. For the Fates trilogy, the companion games of Birthright and Conquest each offer access to Revelations, the 3rd game of the saga, at a price of $19.99. Additionally, two separate map packs can be purchased in either of the two introductory games. Map Pack 1 contains eleven new maps and costs $18; Map Pack 2 contains six new maps and costs $8.

Is it worth it? You should ask a Fire Emblem fan; try as I might, I just can’t get into the franchise. Let’s go pack by pack, though: Revelations is a full Fire Emblem game for half the price, so yeah, that’s worth it. Map Pack 1 offers eleven maps for $18, and Pack 2 offers six for $8. I’m not sure why the maps in Pack 1 are valued so much more highly than those in Pack 2, but Pack 2 is clearly an easier purchase to justify than Pack 1. But, look, if you love Fire Emblem, you’re probably laying out $40 for Birthright or Conquest, $20 apiece for the opening act you DIDN’T buy AND Revelations… geez, just how much Fire Emblem do you need? Whatever; you’ve already paid $80. May as well pay $26 more.

This isn’t all the DLC Nintendo has offered to date, but it is a fairly representative example. Their dabbling in modernization has been a mixed bag: Mario Kart 8 and Breath of the Wild are the two that in price and content are must-purchases, while the rest of the offerings have their hits and their misses. Up next? Fire Emblem: Shadows of Valentia for 3DS, which offers a full season pass of DLC that costs more than the actual game itself. That’s right: more than the game itself. Finally, a sign that Nintendo, for better or worse, is starting to catch up to the rest of the industry.

Be careful what you wish for.

High NEScores

Nostalgia is big business in music. It’s why the Rolling Stones can still sell out stadiums, why “Beatles Cover Band” is a profitable occupation, and it’s why Cheap Trick is still on tour.

Remember Cheap Trick?

Music sticks with us as we grow older, and a song from our youth is one of the few forces in the universe that can, ever so briefly, turn back the hands of time and make us feel young again.

Now: I didn’t really like pop music as a kid. It wasn’t a hipster thing; I just didn’t have much taste. On the other hand, I’ve seen The Symphony of the Goddesses at Madison Square Garden and scored a production I directed of William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream with remixes of old Final Fantasy tunes hand-picked off of OC Remix. Why did I do those things?

Because old-skool 8-bit NES soundtracks were fresh as hell. Here’s the ten best.

10. Blaster Master (Composer: Naoki Kodaka) – If you played Blaster Master as a kid, and you drive, you’ve either hummed the opening warm-up riff that accompanied Sophia 3rd’s initial blast-off into Level 1 while turning your car’s ignition key, or you’re lying. Sunsoft games back in the day were known for having tricked out soundtracks, and Blaster Master had the best of them. The first half of the game had stronger music than the second half, it’s true… but since the game was freaking impossible (SHUT UP IT WAS) that’s all anyone ever heard, so it worked out.

9. Super Mario Bros. (Composer: Koji Kondo– Millions of thirty and forty-somethings around the world can hum every single piece of music from Super Mario Bros., and not just because Nintendo has re-released the game on pretty much every console they’ve made since. Crafted by legendary in-house composer Koji Kondo, the score to Super Mario Bros. might well be the perfect video game score: catchy and loopable without being annoying (except maybe the castle levels), and better in MIDI form than when played by a full orchestra (although a jazz trio can do wonders with it.) Why so low on this list, then? Maybe it’s repetition; I’ve heard it so often over the years it just doesn’t seem special anymore. Probably, though, because it’s so utilitarian: it’s more practical than it is beautiful. Still, why every 2D Mario game doesn’t use the original 1-1 music for its opening level is beyond me.

8. Punch-Out!! (Composers: Yukio Kaneoka, Akito NakatsukaKenji Yamamoto) – Recently on Nintendo Voice Chat, IGN’s excellent Nintendo podcast, in a discussion about (what else) Breath of the Wild, the show’s hosts mentioned a moment in the game’s wonderful score they particularly enjoyed: when the player defeats a Stone Talus, the mini-boss’ battle theme quickly shifts into a victory motif that incorporates the explosion of the enemy into the score itself. The crew on NVC rightly pointed out that this is no mean feat to accomplish. What they didn’t mention is that it’s a trick that appeared prominently in a Nintendo-published title thirty years earlier: Punch-Out!! Punch-Out!!‘s score is simple: a title theme, a fight theme, a jogging theme, and other bits of incidental music. They’re all great ditties in their own right, but when the game’s hero, Little Mac, gets knocked down by one of his towering opponents, the game’s soundtrack shifts seamlessly into a distress-inducing knockout theme, and by the way, it does the same with a much more hopeful piece of music when Mac knocks down one of said opponents. Punch-Out!!: beating Breath of the Wild to the punch by three decades.

7. Mother (Composers: Keiichi Suzuki, Hirokazu Tanaka) – Here are the genres of music you can find represented on the 8-bit soundtrack of the RPG classic Mother: Rockabilly, Jazz, Gothic, Gothic Funk, New Age, Metal, Industrial, Orchestral, Electronica, Bubblegum, Pop, Alt-Rock, Avant-garde, Japanese traditional, Blues, Medieval, Easy-listening contemporary, Ethereal, Ambient, Novelty, R&B, and Baroque. Here, just listen to all of them.

6. Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link (Composer: Akito Nakatsuka)The Legend of Zelda introduced the Zelda series main theme, composed by Koji Kondo, and it is one of the most iconic and enduring pieces of video game music ever written. That first game also included one or two other tunes that were mostly forgettable; its dungeon theme, though iconic in its own right, is one of the most grating pieces of video game music ever created. But Zelda 2, the much-reviled red headed stepchild of the Legend of Zelda franchise, has a score that begins with a warbling, ethereal title tune and transitions into an overworld track inspired by the franchise’s main theme. Along the course of your adventure you’ll be introduced to the excellent pieces of original music that accompany overworld combat, spelunking, town visits, and the game’s final dungeon. Best of all, in the game’s first six palaces, the player is treated to the track that eventually became everyone’s favorite Smash Bros song. Zelda 2 may not have been a better game than The Legend of Zelda… okay, it definitely wasn’t… but in terms of music, the sequel has it all over its older brother.

5. Castlevania 2: Simon’s Quest (Composers: Kenichi Matsubara, Satoe Terashima, Kouji Murata) – We could arguably put the whole Castlevania series on this list, but as great as “Vampire Killer” from Castlevania and “Beginning” from Castlevania 3 are, the all-around strongest score in the franchise’s early days is from the most all-around inscrutable game of the entire series, the you-can’t-beat-this-without-a-guide-but-go-ahead-and-keep-trying Castlevania 2: Simon’s Quest. One of the first major adventure games to introduce a day-to-night enemy cycle, Simon’s Quest had two distinct overworld themes based on time of day and enemy toughness: “Bloody Tears” and “Monster Dance”. The best track in the game, for my money, is “Dwelling of Doom“, the tune that plays in each of the game’s dungeons. So while you may not… okay, will not… be able to beat Simon’s Quest without a walkthrough, at least it’ll sound terrific underneath your screams of frustrated rage.

4. Mega Man 2 (Composer: Takashi Tateishi) – There’s 50 games under the Mega Man brand, so it’s kind of a shame that the best game in the entire franchise was the second one. What IS nice is that the series’ best game has one of the NES’ best scores. Mega Man 2 opens with a musical preamble and scroll up a building to a helmet-less Mega Man, followed by a transition into the game’s driving title theme, a bit of cinematic flair that is dirt simple by today’s video game industry standards but that in 1989 blew my twelve year-old mind. The eight robot master stages and the boss fight theme are all also standouts of MIDI, but the real bookend to the excellent opening track is “Dr. Wily’s Castle“, the first of two tracks that are used as the background music for, well, Dr. Wily’s castle. If you’re interested, at least twenty hard guitar covers of that one are on iTunes right this second. Enjoy!

3. Final Fantasy (Composer: Nobuo Uematsu) – If there’s a video game composer whose legend rivals that of Koji Kondo, it is doubtlessly Nobuo Uematsu, the man behind three decades of music for the granddaddy of all RPG series: Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy was the 8-bit swords and sorcery game of J.R.R. Tolkien’s or George R.R. Martin’s dreams, and the score includes multiple compositions and themes that would become evergreen editions to the Final Fantasy franchise. Fantastic mood-setting fantasy music accompanies overworld travel, combat, dungeon crawling, and town visits, but the game’s soundtrack truly makes its mark in the piece that would become synonymous with Final Fantasy itself. (Not the “Chocobo Theme”; those giant chickens didn’t show up until Final Fantasy II.) The greatest high fantasy game to grace the NES does not open with a fanfare and crash of thunder, but with the crystalline and meditative “Prelude“, an almost reverential piece of music that belies the grandeur and scope of the adventure it precedes.

2. Double Dragon (Composer: Kazunaka Yamane) – This might be cheating. Double Dragon was an arcade hit that was then ported over to seemingly every home video game console of the day, and then continued being ported to the video game consoles of every other day. Point being, the score to Double Dragon is arguably not a NES score. Like the game itself, the music for the arcade was re-orchestrated (so far as MIDI files can be re-orchestrated) to fit the technical specifications of the NES. But… Double Dragon‘s soundtrack is one knockout blow after another (heh heh), the perfect beat-’em-up, chopsocky, 1980’s B-grade Kung Fu movie soundtrack. Faux-“Oriental” motifs mix with wailing synthetic guitar riffs in what might be the single must crunchable video game soundtrack you can shred on with your hair metal tribute band. I don’t know if I’ve used any of those terms properly, but check this out if you want an example of just how righteous the Double Dragon soundtrack can be.

1. Metroid (Composer: Hirokazu Tanaka) – If it were somehow possible to convert claustrophobia, depression, and loneliness into musical notes, the resulting composition would probably sound a lot like the Metroid soundtrack. While until this point in popular culture sci-fi adventure came packaged alongside pulsing electronica, Star Wars-style orchestral accompaniment, or the ominous humming of the 1950’s take on the genre, Metroid (partially due to technical limitations) took a different approach: using music to constantly remind players that they were lost deep within the caverns of an alien world and likely would not get out alive. The game greeted players with a discordant, droning title theme interspersed with high-pitched alien-sounding chimes, and opened up with the one up-tempo action cue it would offer. That track, “Brinstar”, was a fake-out, for the further the player guided heroine Samus Aran into the depths of Zebes, the grimmer and more hopeless the soundtrack became. Even the tune that greeted Samus in the chambers that hid weapons upgrade seemed to be singing, “You. Will. Soon. Die… This. Will. Not. Help. Much.” You know what? Here’s the entire Metroid soundtrack. You can have a listen, but be sure to have your therapist on speed dial.

0. Silver Surfer (Composer: Tim Follin, Geoff Follin) – I’mma credit my man Johnny Womack of the pop culture/video game/pro rasslin’ podcast Happy Hour with Johnny & the Duce for reminding me of this gem. The thing about Silver Surfer is that it’s not a particularly bad game. It’s just not a particular good one, either. It’s completely forgettable, not to mention balls-out impossible. But. BUT. Listen to this soundtrack. It’s well known among the small circles who know such things that the soundtrack to Silver Surfer for the NES is apeshit banana-pants. Although it is admittedly on the short side, music this good shouldn’t be doomed to live alongside a game this mediocre. I mean, could the NES even MAKE sounds like this? Was that a thing it could do? Maybe Silver Surfer was so “meh” because they used all of the game’s memory to record the unbelievable epicness that is its soundtrack for all of history to enjoy.

Or maybe Silver Surfer is a terrible character who doesn’t deserve a game better than this. Still, seriously: listen to this soundtrack, and prepare to have your face melted.

(Cover image original link.)